When I Rode the Western Plains

From the Doctor's first slap on the ass, most of us learn from the School of Hard Knocks. 
A chosen few are born on the Street of Dreams. 
Some dive onto the Bourbon Street beat while others linger on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. 
Me? Well shucks. Guess'n I l'arned what I know'ed out on the prairies, up in the mountains and down in the gullies of mah television screen whare ah l'arned it all from these hombres who show'd this tenderfoot the ropes, when I rode the Western Plains. 

When I Rode the Western Plains

Back when the west and we were young

Daddy gave me a toy six gun

A roll of caps and cowboy hat

And with my baseball bat, I was Bat, Bat Masterson. 

A-Singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi.

Around the house, about the yard,

Rounding rustlers was very hard

From break of dawn ‘til setting sun

I put 'em all on the run.

A-Singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi.

Silver Bullets and a horse were my claim to fame

Behind my mask, I had no name

No thanks, no reward, I took no pay

Just a wave and a Heigh-Ho as I rode away.

A-Singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi.

When the sheriff needed a helping hand,

A telegram brought Paladin through the savage land, 

a knight with honor I roamed the land

my calling card was a blazing gun  

A-Singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi.

Crouched behind chairs all over the house

I was a fightin’ mad rebel lad

Panther quick and leather tough

If the bad guys pushed me hard enough. 

As Texas John Slaughter I tell you no lie.

I never gave hombres so much as a quarter

But always taught ‘em just what they oughter

‘cause if they didn't they die.

A-Singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi.

A rifleman and rancher I was Branded, 

scorned as the one who ran,

Wherever I roamed for the rest of the day

I had to prove I was the man.

Call me Earp if you need to know,

For I was brave, courageous and bold.

Riding a Bronco from Cheyenne 

sweeping 'cross the Texas plains
saving all the pretty dames.

A-Singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi.

A chaw of Bazooka tucked in my cheek

I went rolling, rolling from week to week

Through all kinds of weather, hell bent for leather

Me and my beagle kept rolling, Rawhide!

Came nightfall and the riverboat rang it’s bell,

I said good night to Annabelle

Though I knew nothing of the gambling game

I was a Maverick just the same.

And that is how the west was won.

A-singin’ ki-yi-yiki-ki-yi-yicky-yicky yi

Happy trails to you, until we meet again ...

Y'know, that feller never did tell us his name.

His name was Bat. Bat Masterson

Texas John Slaughter made 'em do what they oughter

cause if they didn't they'd die - presented to all the children 

by Uncle Walt Disney

The Rifleman with the best jaw twitch this side of the Pecos.

Branded and it just weren't fair!

Wyatt Earp. Brave, courageous and bold.

Paladin, a knight with honor in a savage land

Keep them doggies rollin', Rawhide!

Gunsmoke for the very first time. Intro by John Wayne

Nick Adams was Johnny Yuma. Johnny Cash was The Rebel.

Steve McQueen was Wanted Dead or Alive

Cheyenne, where will you be staying tonight?

Bronco, Bronco, tearing across the Texas Plains

Ty Hardin's real name was Orison Whipple Hungerford the Third.

Sugarfoot, Sugarfoot. easy lopin', cattle ropin' Sugarfoot.

Wagon Train sung by Flint McCollough (a/k/a Robert Horton)

Bonanza

And last but not least. my favorite, Maverick starring James Garner and Jack Kelly 

and, oh yeah, Roger Moore too. Oh well.

Happy Trails to You too, Roy.