Rewinding my mind to the last greatly tedious Dems debate.
If they can't be bothered to trim the field, I can't be bothered to make new jokes about 'em. I return to the ramparts where I left off with 10 takes on 10 from The Last Truly Tedious Debate.
(And yes, of course, barbs aside, the nominee gets my vote – even if we screw up and nominate what’s his-name.)
Julian Castro. The Tex-Mex Kid took a swing at Good Old Joe and missed. For that, he has fallen from grace and must now do penance. Let it be brief and forgiveness swift. A true son of the Chicano civil rights movement, Castro is bright, accomplished, has a good heart and is true blue in a state that’s a game changer. He is too important to be sidelined for long. If he’s lucky, one day, decades from now, he may stand on another debate stage having to explain what desperate voices were rattling around in his head the night he lost his mind and mugged an elderly and infirm gentleman. #FAIRPLAYFORCASTRO
Beto O’Rourke. I have no quarrel with one whose conviction was forged by fire and blood. #RESPECT4BETO.
Liz Warren: I believe my Senator will be the nominee but, sooner than later, she’s going to have to tell us how she plans to pay for her plans. #CANLIZGOCENTER?
Joe Biden. A wonderful fellow, but never the fleetest of mind nor gifted of tongue, far too often, he looks and sounds like a man in a fugue state. #AMANOUTOFTIME
Pete Buttigieg: Along with Warren, Mayor Pete has the finest mind in the field; his language conciliatory, his tone unifying, his ideas trending moderate, his brand of Christianity an overt threat to the evangelical voting bloc. His sexual orientation may keep him off the national ticket, but his future is bright. #MAYORPETEISAKEEPER
Kamala Harris. My early favorite for her prosecutorial skills and the diversity she represents, she’s been unable to make meaningful inroads, even within the black community. An inability to articulate a comprehensive vision for the future may have something to do with it. Looks like it’s North Carolina or bust for Kamala. #PROSECUTETHECASEKAMALA
Corey Booker. Articulate, passionate, (if a trifle glib), Booker is intelligent and conciliatory and a natural preacher on the stump. But he simply cannot transcend the racial animus that inflames the land of the free. #COREYISBARACK2.0
Amy Klobuchar: A wise, moderating voice, she simply lacks the outsized personality of a lead actor. Her Senate seat is safe. That is likely where she will remain for many distinguished years to come. #AMYISFARGO
Andrew Yang. Nice fellow. Smart too. But a raffle for a thousand bucks is more befitting a game show host than a presidential candidate. #GRANDKNOWINGYOU
Bernie Sanders. No way a loud, angry, Brooklyn Jew with a funny accent and bad haircut shouting about revolution is ever going to be president of the United States. Bragging about his “damn plan” that has no chance of ever being passed into law isn’t much of a legislative accomplishment. BTW, Bern, getting an “F” rating from the NRA is easy - if you’re a Democrat. It’s only tough when you vote with the gun lobby. All that’s left for this guy is to decide whether he’s going to be the skunk at the convention party. #STOPYELLINGBERN
If they can't be bothered to trim the field, I can't be bothered to make new jokes about 'em. I return to the ramparts where I left off with 10 takes on 10 from The Last Truly Tedious Debate.
(And yes, of course, barbs aside, the nominee gets my vote – even if we screw up and nominate what’s his-name.)
Julian Castro. The Tex-Mex Kid took a swing at Good Old Joe and missed. For that, he has fallen from grace and must now do penance. Let it be brief and forgiveness swift. A true son of the Chicano civil rights movement, Castro is bright, accomplished, has a good heart and is true blue in a state that’s a game changer. He is too important to be sidelined for long. If he’s lucky, one day, decades from now, he may stand on another debate stage having to explain what desperate voices were rattling around in his head the night he lost his mind and mugged an elderly and infirm gentleman. #FAIRPLAYFORCASTRO
Beto O’Rourke. I have no quarrel with one whose conviction was forged by fire and blood. #RESPECT4BETO.
Liz Warren: I believe my Senator will be the nominee but, sooner than later, she’s going to have to tell us how she plans to pay for her plans. #CANLIZGOCENTER?
Joe Biden. A wonderful fellow, but never the fleetest of mind nor gifted of tongue, far too often, he looks and sounds like a man in a fugue state. #AMANOUTOFTIME
Pete Buttigieg: Along with Warren, Mayor Pete has the finest mind in the field; his language conciliatory, his tone unifying, his ideas trending moderate, his brand of Christianity an overt threat to the evangelical voting bloc. His sexual orientation may keep him off the national ticket, but his future is bright. #MAYORPETEISAKEEPER
Kamala Harris. My early favorite for her prosecutorial skills and the diversity she represents, she’s been unable to make meaningful inroads, even within the black community. An inability to articulate a comprehensive vision for the future may have something to do with it. Looks like it’s North Carolina or bust for Kamala. #PROSECUTETHECASEKAMALA
Corey Booker. Articulate, passionate, (if a trifle glib), Booker is intelligent and conciliatory and a natural preacher on the stump. But he simply cannot transcend the racial animus that inflames the land of the free. #COREYISBARACK2.0
Amy Klobuchar: A wise, moderating voice, she simply lacks the outsized personality of a lead actor. Her Senate seat is safe. That is likely where she will remain for many distinguished years to come. #AMYISFARGO
Andrew Yang. Nice fellow. Smart too. But a raffle for a thousand bucks is more befitting a game show host than a presidential candidate. #GRANDKNOWINGYOU
Bernie Sanders. No way a loud, angry, Brooklyn Jew with a funny accent and bad haircut shouting about revolution is ever going to be president of the United States. Bragging about his “damn plan” that has no chance of ever being passed into law isn’t much of a legislative accomplishment. BTW, Bern, getting an “F” rating from the NRA is easy - if you’re a Democrat. It’s only tough when you vote with the gun lobby. All that’s left for this guy is to decide whether he’s going to be the skunk at the convention party. #STOPYELLINGBERN
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