Ask Not For Whom the Ding Dong Tolls

Don’t Ask for Whom the Ding Dong Tolls

A report from Day 2 of The Big Dong coronation.

They did it. 

The Elephant party has nominated Donald Trump as it’s standard bearer to become the next President of the United States. No, really. They did.

Here is a complete list of the Republican party’s plans as set forth in excruciating, screaming detail on Day 2 of the Coronation of He, Trump.

You the People have been assigned to execute the following tasks:

1.  Convict Hillary Clinton for all the bad stuff she did.

2.  Convict Hillary Clinton for all the bad stuff she did that we don't know about yeet. 

3.  Convict Hillary Clinton for all the bad stuff she’s going to do if we don’t elect He, Trump, permanent Sheriff. 

4. Throw away the key to her cell forever!

Did US The People just rear up on your hind legs to ask what bad stuff she did?

Well, We (Yep. I’m on the Trumped Upchuck Wagon now). don’t have to tell you, but here’s a hint:

BENGHAZI!! BENGHAZI!! BENGHAZI!!

Never mind that there were 13 Embassy attacks and 60 deaths on the previous administration’s watch. (We can’t tell you whose administration it was because his brother is a big baby still whining just because our newly crowned Lord and Master, He, Trump! called him a bunch of names and whipped his ass in the primaries, causing the whole family to hide in their bushes instead of bowing to the iron will and penetrating mind of He, Trump!)

Now remember, folks, there are only six wise words you need to remember about this election.

BENGHAZI!! BENGHAZI!! BENGHAZI!!

GUILTY!! GUILTY!! GUILTY!!

And what’s the solution, patsies? We mean, “people”?

LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!

If that doesn’t send you merrily careening along to dreams of Jailhouse Rocks, there’s this timely disclosure from The Big Dong’s favorite African-American, Ben “I Wanna Be Somebody” Carson: 

Hilary Clinton and her secret lover Saul Alinsky have conspired to unleash upon an unsuspecting universe their love child, a kid who thinks he’s really hot stuff. Goes by the name of Lucifer. True story.   

If that doesn’t convince you to LOCK HER UP! there is something wrong with you and we’re gonna find out who you are and who you think you are. Then we’re gonna decide what you’re going to be.

………..

In other news, the nomination of The Ding Dong Man has artfully paved the way for the scion of The Family Trump Dynasty Master Plan, the next in the line of succession, let’s give it up for Donny “Thanks, Dad”, Jr.  Face it, people. This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last that you’re all gonna get Royally Trumped so stop fighting, relax and enjoy it.

As for the rest of THE PARTY PLAN, the stuff that comes after He, Trump and his grinning brood take over your country and mine, read the Elephant’s platform. Got a copy of it around here somewhere … lessee … where did we put that dang thing …whad’ya know? Can’t find it nowhere. But take my word for it. It’s a real long list of policy stuff that He, Trump hasn’t read yet and won’t ever read.

Within that sacred tablet is the everlasting Elephant mantra: “No, Stop and Don’t” stamped on every page. Can’t get you somewhere when you’re really nowhere at all!

Now remember little sheep … uh, we mean “Little People”, Vote Ding Dong or forever be branded, NOT NUTS FOR TRUMP!

July 20, 2016