Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

Update July 14, 2015 courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

Former Rep. Michele Bachman returned to the spotlight on Saturday warning that the election of Hillary Clinton to the presidency would usher in the complete destruction of America, unless God uses Donald Trump to save the country.

In an interview with End Times broadcaster Jan Markell, the Minnesota Republican lauded Trump’s “1950s sensibilities,” “churched background” and vow to “only appoint pro-life judges.”

“He gets and understands religious liberty,” Bachmann said, noting that Trump discussed the so-called War on Christmas at a recent meeting with evangelical leaders in New York. “He even said, ‘I don’t understand,’ he said, ‘When I was growing up everybody said Merry Christmas. Even my Jews would say Merry Christmas.’”

Markell also warned of the dangers of Clinton presidency: “The Titanic is three-fourths under water right now. You get another four years, another eight years of this progressivism, of this infatuation with Islam and caving to all things Islam, of the LGBT community rammed down our throats, rammed down the throats of the churches, and that’s going to intensify a thousand times more with a Hillary Clinton administration.”

Bachmann, a member of Trump’s Evangelical Executive Advisory Board, said conservatives who stay home on Election Day rather than vote for Trump will “ensure that we will lose the United States of America; they will ensure it. They will ensure that every godless principle there is comes into this country.”

Clinton, according to Bachmann, will be “pro-Islam” and “bring us into a certain destruction for the United States.”

She then wondered if God elevated Trump to succeed in the Republican presidential primary because he was capable of beating Clinton in November: “When it comes down to it, Trump may have been the only candidate who could actually defeat Hillary. What I kept thinking to, Jan, was the Book of Daniel, and the Book of the Daniel, the essence of the book, was that the most high God lifts up who he will and takes down who he will.”

Update May 31, 2013:  Michelle Moonbeam Bachman has announced that she will not run for reelection in 2014. Naturally, she insists that her decision has nothing to do with the very real possibility that she may lose or that her 2012 belly flop of a bid for the Republican Presidential nomination is under investigation for campaign finance violations. She leaves behind a void on the House Intelligence Committee that can never be filled (supply your own punchline).
While she retreats and, no doubt, plots her return, presenting here for your enjoyment and utter amazement is a collection of her most ludicrous fabrications, outright lies, fairy tales and ventures into the slipstream of insipidity.


Michelle Bachman bows out of the Republican Presidential tourney, but not before belittling the process with her witless but priceless bon mots. January 8, 2012

The Ghost of Joe McCarthy lives on: 

"I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?"
—Oct. 2008

Lady Soul:

"Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man!"
—On Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele at the 2009 Conservative Political Action Conference, Feb. 2009

Witchcraft, science, what’s the diff?

"The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It's all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax."
— March 15, 2008

Offering Melissa Etheidge salvation

"Unfortunately she is now suffering from breast cancer, so keep her in your prayers. This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian."
—Commenting on singer Melissa Etheridge's diagnosis of breast cancer in Nov. 2004

Strange bed fellows

"Lady Liberty and Sarah Palin are lit by the same torch."
—From a message recorded by Bachmann for a Palin campaign event, Oct. 2010

  

Flu before Swine

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

—Comparing the 2009 swine flu outbreak to the 1976 outbreak that occurred under Gerald Ford, not Jimmy Carter. April, 2009

Teaching “gayness”

"Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of The Lion King for instance, and a teacher might say, 'Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?' The message is: 'I'm better at what I do, because I'm gay.'" —Nov. 2004

History class

"It's your state that fired the shot that was heard around the world! You are the state of Lexington and Concord, you started the battle for liberty right here in your backyard." —Bachmann recounting her version of the American Revolution while in New Hampshire. Unfortunately, Lexington and Concord are located in Massachusetts where "the the shot heard 'round the world" was fired in Massachusetts. March 2011

 The accounting department

"The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day."
—Bachmann estimating that President Obama's trip to India cost more per day than the entire war in Afghanistan. Nov. 2010

A dichotomy no more

"A woman (Terri Schiavo) was healthy. There was brain damage, there was no question. But from a health point of view, she was not terminally ill."
—Oct. 2006

Obama’s slave state

"We will talk a little bit about what has transpired in the last 18 months and would we count what has transpired into turning our country into a nation of slaves."
—Bachmann's interpretation of the Obama administration. July 2010

Homosexuality – it’s the law, you know.

"And what a bizarre time we're in, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it."
—March 2004

A blood covenant

"This cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn't pass."
—Debating against health care reform in Aug. 2009.

The Dems gamble on our youth

"It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas ... Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?"
—Arguing on the House Floor in March, 2009.

The scientific method

"There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design."
—Oct. 2006

History Lesson

"We also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. ... I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly -- men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country." —While John Quincy Adams was indeed staunchly anti-slavery, he was nine when the Founding Fathers were busy creating the United States, and they didn't have anything to do with the end of slavery nearly 100 years later.

Iraq is the new Mall of America

"There's a commonality with the Mall of America, in that it's on that proportion. There's marble everywhere. The other thing I remarked about was there is water everywhere."
—Talking about her visit to Iraq in July, 2007.

 Armed and Dangerous

"I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us 'having a revolution every now and then is a good thing,' and the people -- we the people -- are going to have to fight back hard if we're not going to lose our country." —Seeming to condone violence against the government over an energy tax in March 2009.

Yeesh!

"During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed ... The government spent its wad by April 26."
—Using some questionable imagery in accusing the Obama administration of spending too much money. May, 2009

Let ‘em eat cake!

"If we took away the minimum wage -- if conceivably it was gone -- we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level."
—Jan. 2005